I wrote this essay for another site. I am posting it here, because it applies for people in recovery. My experience is that the average result in life isn’t what I want. My experience is also that the average result in Alcoholics Anonymous is not what I want.
Think about that when you read this essay. Do you want the average? Or do you want something better than that?
With Love,
The Recovering Urchin
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The Law of Averages is a principle that states that a large randomly selected subgroup is likely to reflect the population as a whole. For example, if 10% of the entire population is left-handed, then it is likely that 10% of a randomly selected large group will also be left-handed.
But that law doesn’t work with small sample sizes.
Like my family.
Sometimes I have a conversation that starts with “most people don’t live the way we do”. Allow me to explain.
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Do an internet search on any of the following lifestyle behaviors- diet, exercise, smoking, drinking, saving/spending, TV watching, etc. Type in “the average American ____” for any of those behaviors.
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The average American watches 35 hours of TV a week. Five hours of TV a day.
The average American marriage lasts 8 years. The American divorce rate is 40-50 percent. (Are all of the remaining marriages happy marriages? Probably not.) So the average marriage may not result in divorce- but it doesn’t look very happy, either.
The average school loan debt just passed $30,000. The median American household (not individual- household) salary was just under $52,000. Meaning if two partners each have $30,000 in school loans, in a house with the median income….well, it’s going to take a long time to pay those school loans.
The average American savings rate is about 3%. But the median (the most frequent) savings rate is 0%. I just read online that 4/10 Americans have no emergency savings. None.
The average American male weighs 191 pounds, and his ideal body weight is 162 pounds.
18% of American adults smoke.
Only 3.2% of American adults are vegetarians.
Only 30% of Americans have a passport. Many of those with passports don’t use them. So the average American is never going to see London, or Paris, or Rome.
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So what’s the point?
The point is that I live a different life than most people. Not better. Not worse.
But a lot different.
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Have you ever seen the movie “The Matrix”? In that movie, Keanu Reeves does some time travel. He has an experience where he exists in a place, but he is separate from that place and the people who live there. He can see the other people who live in that place, but they can’t see him.
My experience is like that sometimes.
At our house, we sit down for dinner, and we talk about life in the Matrix. We don’t call it the Matrix, but that’s what it is.
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We have two TVs in our home. This year I watched part of the Super Bowl, and part of a basketball game during the Final Four. That two hours of TV makes me the super-user of the TVs in our home. I cannot remember the last time anyone else in my family turned on a TV.
Try explaining to someone that you’ve never seen Seinfeld. Or Cheers. Or Friends. Never binge-watched a show, because you haven’t watched a show since the 1980s.
I have turned on a TV series since 1980.
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We are all vegetarians at my house (except for my dog). Being a vegetarian isn’t rare anymore, but it isn’t that common. I recently ate at a restaurant that had no vegetarian main courses. The one “vegetarian” option had bacon in it. I’m not making that up. My daughter and I had to order a side salad as our main course.
As a result of our diet, we are all at our ideal body weight.
We avoid debt. Our hope is that our girls graduate college without any school loans. That’s the plan, and we are sticking to it.
We travel. Some people tell us that we travel a lot. I’ve travelled to 41 countries, a total of 105 times. My girls have been to 14 different countries so far. It’s what we do for fun, so it doesn’t seem like a lot.
I have been to 5 continents, and I have a trip planned to the sixth (in New Zealand) in six weeks. I’ve been to AA meetings in 14 countries on 4 continents. I’ll go to a meeting in New Zealand soon.
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In the movie “The Incredibles”, the family has an adventure, and at the end, Violet is speaking with a young man. He tells her that she looks different.
She replies “I feel different. Is different ok?”
The young man replies “Different is great!”
I hope he’s right.
P.S. Do you like The Recovering Urchin? Let me know at therecoveringurchin@gmail.com. Please tell your friends, and remember to sign up for my e-mail list so that I can deliver this content straight to your inbox.
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April 2019
- Apr 5, 2019 I Think My Spouse Has A Drinking Problem Apr 5, 2019
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December 2018
- Dec 13, 2018 The Ant and the Grasshopper Dec 13, 2018
- Dec 3, 2018 Where I Go For Hope Dec 3, 2018
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November 2018
- Nov 23, 2018 This I Believe Nov 23, 2018
- Nov 12, 2018 Guest post: Grace, compassion and the stink of the soul -- part one Nov 12, 2018
- Nov 7, 2018 The Importance of Home Groups Nov 7, 2018
- Nov 5, 2018 The Law of Averages Nov 5, 2018
- Nov 1, 2018 Guest post: A List Of Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery Nov 1, 2018
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October 2018
- Oct 29, 2018 Guest post: Grace within Oct 29, 2018
- Oct 28, 2018 Guest post: My ugly, unvarnished truth Oct 28, 2018
- Oct 27, 2018 Staying Sober in Dark Times Oct 27, 2018
- Oct 24, 2018 I Am Responsible Oct 24, 2018
- Oct 23, 2018 The Opioid Epidemic Oct 23, 2018
- Oct 21, 2018 The Challenge of Being an Introvert in Alcoholics Anonymous Oct 21, 2018
- Oct 20, 2018 Physical Pain And Spiritual Pain Oct 20, 2018
- Oct 18, 2018 My 38th Street Bridge Blackout Oct 18, 2018
- Oct 10, 2018 Who are you? Oct 10, 2018
- Oct 9, 2018 Guest post: Zen Spot #155 — Mindfulness, meditation and letting sleeping dogs lie Oct 9, 2018
- Oct 8, 2018 The Taping Pit Oct 8, 2018
- Oct 7, 2018 The Lou Gehrig of Recovery Oct 7, 2018
- Oct 6, 2018 Guest post: Zen Spot #161 — Mindfulness, meditation, the Beastie Boys, potato salad, the number 12 and a phone call from a Buddhist monk Oct 6, 2018
- Oct 6, 2018 The Cathedral of Chartres Oct 6, 2018
- Oct 5, 2018 Guest post: Addiction and spirituality Oct 5, 2018
- Oct 4, 2018 Meetings When I Travel Oct 4, 2018
- Oct 3, 2018 Why Discipline Matters Oct 3, 2018
- Oct 2, 2018 Meditations on Anonymity Oct 2, 2018
- Oct 1, 2018 Guest post: Zen Spot #36 — Mindfulness, meditation, autopilot and the internal gyroscope Oct 1, 2018
- Oct 1, 2018 This Is Our Plague Oct 1, 2018
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September 2018
- Sep 29, 2018 Guest post: Zen Spot #143— Mindfulness, meditation and the intersection of Broad and Vine Sep 29, 2018
- Sep 29, 2018 Seven Things My Sponsor Suggested Sep 29, 2018
- Sep 27, 2018 Guest post: The Opioid Crisis—Personal Responsibility, Choice, and the Law Sep 27, 2018
- Sep 24, 2018 Page 87 Sep 24, 2018
- Sep 20, 2018 Humility Sep 20, 2018
- Sep 17, 2018 Honesty Sep 17, 2018
- Sep 10, 2018 The Purity of the Message Sep 10, 2018
- Sep 3, 2018 Recovery Resources Sep 3, 2018
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August 2018
- Aug 28, 2018 What’s The Problem?! Aug 28, 2018
- Aug 17, 2018 Roll Call Aug 17, 2018
- Aug 17, 2018 I Don’t Know Aug 17, 2018
- Aug 17, 2018 I Need Help Aug 17, 2018
- Aug 17, 2018 I Was Wrong Aug 17, 2018
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July 2018
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